"They Killed It... "

They killed it

Or so they thought...

They think they did

But I do not think it forth

For if I think it, only I bringeth forth

But I think like a fort and I think it naught... Zero

Zero life given to their thoughts,

My heart is never lost; it’s behind the fort

Screaming out my thoughts till it’s hoarse

Relentless in this journey never taking a pause

They’re deaf to it; ears clogged of course

Stuffed with the fingers of selfish thoughts

Blocking out the truth, all that’s been taught

Guess they didn’t learn it. My Brothers are lost

But the heart is never lost; it’s behind the fort

Screaming out the truth till it’s hoarse.

They carry so much; they need to trade it all

Toting around safety nets; they fear the fall

I am appalled; they do not hear at all

The Heart screams the call...

But their thoughts are lost and create no forts

No control at all and loosely brings shit forth.

And now we are caught

Caught in this spiral of thoughts

“fuck it all... fuck all that’s been taught”

“fuck it all... fuck the cause”

“fuck you, fuck me, fuck it all”

“I did this, you did that”

“They did this, we did that”

We lie to ourselves, we haven’t learned at all

The nets are too heavy; take a pause

But the thoughts are loose and my Brothers are lost

Thoughts disconnected from the Heart of course

But the Heart is never lost; it’s behind the fort

Screaming out the truth till it’s hoarse

So the thoughts that are loose and bring shit forth

Attacks the fort and puts the Heart in court...

Shackled and Charged for breach of tort...

But the thoughts are lost... and their sight is lost

Now blinded from the truth of course

And the Heart can’t speak; it’s gone totally hoarse

And the Thoughts throw stones without a pause.

And the Heart stays silent; its voice is lost....

They killed it!

Or so they thought

They think they did

But I do not think it forth

For if I think it, only I bringeth forth

The Heart beats on; with no regrets at all

Just Mercy and Remorse for the Thoughts that are Lost

So the heart is never lost; it’s behind the fort

Screaming out the truth till it’s hoarse

"We are Good!"

We are good! Or so seems...

Shouts of rage and anger filled my dreams

We are good!

But the clatter rouses my slumber...

Unable to sleep but yet I still dream...

Day comes and the dream goes away... well at least for today

We are good!

Tap tap tap tap every Friday, Saturday, sometimes Thursday

Tap tap to raise me from sleep... you can’t find your key; you can’t operate the key

Tap tap to raise me from sleep... But I think you have lost YOUR KEY

YOU CAN’T OPEN THE DOOR...

I OPEN THE DOOR; NIGHT after NIGHT... even into the morning...

YOU can’t seem to remember how it slides anymore...

I am tired I can no longer open it...

But the clatter rouses my slumber... You and mother!

She Says “Maybe you should just go”...  He Says “Maybe I will”...

Unable to sleep but yet I still dream...

And so you did...

Bag packed, laces tired... Do you not see the kid...

I am awake... fully awake... This must be a dream...

We were Good or so it seems.

Fortnights come... Fortnights go... we packed bags...

Shipped to and fro...

I place it internal can’t comprehend... They cry... They threw tantrums...

But you didn’t come then

And fortnights come... fortnights go... we packed bags...

shipped to and fro

I stutter more... confidence inebriated with that tap tap upon a glass door

They try to contain me... but they can hold me no more....

Never shall I open that door...

For who I am... I am lost... what  mould am I...

Felt like I never had... but felt like I loss... 

We were Good.....

DEFINITIONS-I - "I am My Father’s Son"

I see clearly now!
My vision opaque
As I look to the depths of my soul
Which I don’t project,
Which I project to all by rejecting the affect!

I am filled with truth; corroborated by lies
Confirmation Misconception, look into my eyes
For in the eye you will see I,
But hide eye, I try

For you shall only see sleeves of the emotionally inept
Practicality and logic are all that they respect?
Boxed in by definitions of SELF, yours, the world and what else!

Before I go further allow me to reintroduce myself...

I am what I am!
But that’s no excuse for who I am
I am responsible; no longer a child
Responsible for whom I shall become
I can no longer hold it to those who did didn’t...
For it can’t be undone

I am definitive but yet unstable
My heart shakes shifts and pumps
Final decision have become mere fables
I am confidence (yes confidence)
But forever SELF conscious
About what you think and what you expect,
Guess what I’m image conscious what you expect.

I STAND for justice for all
But it’s really for me
For I fear injustice done by the hands of.... Me?
Integrity in my right hand, deceit in the left
Inhale Exhale
Hot & Cold in every Breath

I am focused!
But distracted by my new focus
So I am not distracted by my other focus
Which may be distracting?

I am complicated
But it’s pretty much simple
I am what I am and also the contradiction
No plus no minus
Maybe just the reciprocal
For I see myself in the things I detest
Line drawn
Am I over, am I under
I am both, I am neither
I over one (I /1) x one over I (1/I)...
I am ONE

Filled with flaws full of perfection
Who I am I am with limitless limitations
Most of all and somehow said most less
I am a son of God and truly blessed.

I am a Son of The Father
And I am my father’s Son
But I am not my father
I AM ONE 

"SO I PUSH"

So I PUSH...
Can’t stagnate can’t stay put
So I push...
Gotta go get it
Gotta step on my own,
So I push...
Gotta go get it
To call it my own
So I push...
I ams ONE not scared to stand alone
So I push... And so I push

Head Strong , Head High... Disregard for all doubt
Your pessimistic talk I can do with out
So I push...
Till my muscles start to rip... my limbs stretched
Shirt torn, trousers tattered for release I will not let...
So I push...
The sweat runs from my brow, eyes burn, grit my teeth and my forehead imprinted with a frown
So I push...
Bloody knuckles as I turn the wheels, lost in a stationary time... They tryna steel my zeal
So I push
You don’t get it you don’t understand...
So I push...
To show my worth as man
So I push...
Not for you, but for me...
So I push
Stake my claim stand firm
STABILITY
So I push... And so I push...

YES I PUSH TILL I CAN’T PUSH ANYMORE...
SO I PUSH
FOCUSED ON MY OBJECTIVES... MY EYES ROAR
SO I PUSH...
YOU WONDER WHAT THE HELL I AM PUSHING FOR.
AS I SAID BEFORE; CAN’T STAGNATE I WANT MORE.
So I push... And so I push...
I push and pray that it’s pure...
So I push...
For TRUTH and not the Allure
So I push... And so I push... And so I push

But I ams what I ams... So I pray I AM
That I ams in line with your scope I AM
I can be no more and I pray I be no less...
For I ams in I AM... For I AM will not rest...

He gives and I give and it shall not be taken away
Hope our dreams align, my soul cries and I pray...
So HE push... And so I push...
And so WE push...
Towards... another day

“Pita Pata on my Back”

The clouds roar, thunder Cracks!

The rain pours, pita pata on my Back

Elements storm no shelter from the attack!

Gimme more gimme more, too weak to fight back

Now I’m drenched in it

I’m soaked in it

Down my pores I’m feelin it

The more “I” STAND in it

“I” get consumed in it

Don’t wanna revel in it

But “I” revel in it

Don’t wanna play in it

But “I” play with it

Thought “I” was in control

But am “I” controlled?

The storm roars filling my soul HOLE

Drenched in this cloaked I feel so cold

Cold but at home but eternally lost

My drenched clothes unacceptable... *whisper* hide them at all cost

All respect due respect give them what they expect,

Stand straight look upright never look suspect,

*whisper* reject the AFFECT!

HERE I AM HERE I AM... PLEASE ACCEPT

LET ME BE LET ME BE... ALLOW ME TO BREATHE...

RELEASE RELEASE I NEED SPACE FOR RELEASE...

Dear God Dear God... Grant me your peace

PUM BUHBUH PUMPUM PUM BUHPUM PUM!

Pum Buhbuh Pumpum Pum Buhpum Pum!

Aye yo! I beat my drum, I beat my drum

Pum Buhbuh Pumpum Pum Buhpum Pum!

The sound of my heart when my world becomes undone!

Pum Buhbuh Pumpum Pum Buhpum Pum!

It’s normally a 3 beat, the pause acts as ONE!

Pum Buhbuh Pumpum Pum Buhpum Pum!

Buhbuh (pause) that’s how it should should sound... BUT!!!...

Pum Buhbuh Pumpum Pum Buhpum Pum is the rhythm that it pounds the rhythm that it pounds!

Pum Buhbuh Pumpum Pum Buhpum Pum!

Rushing blood to my crown down to my soul

Pum Buhbuh Pumpum Pum Buhpum Pum!

Over this rhythm I have no control

Pum Buhbuh Pumpum Pum Buhpum Pum!

I feel it tremor, I feel the quake

Pum Buhbuh Pumpum Pum Buhpum Pum!

Got to get back to Buhbuh (pause) for goodness sake...

Pum Buhbuh Pumpum Pum Buhpum Pum!

Can you see what you did and what I’ve done

Pum Buhbuh Pumpum Pum Buhpum Pum!

You just lost ONE... But I just lost some!

Pum Buhbuh Pumpum Pum Buhpum Pum!

PUM PUM PUM PUM

It’s too much now it can’t be undone

PUM PUM PUM PUM

Can’t see from whence I came or where this came from

PUM PUM PUM PUM

I guess at the end of it all I Stand as ONE...

Buhbuh (pause), Buhbuh (pause), Buhbuh (pause)

And just when I feel like I’ve won....

Pum Buhbuh Pumpum Pum Buhpum Pum!

Pum Buhbuh Pumpum Pum Buhpum Pum!

Pum Buhbuh Pumpum Pum Buhpum Pum!

PUM PUM PUM PUM!!!!!!!